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Aaron Halfaker

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Aaron preparing to eat a octuple-decker sandwich.
Aaron "The Woodchuck" Cactus Halfaker is the current secretary of CSGSA. Elected in Spring 2007, he assumed office in September 2007. Aaron is not a Communist, because in Soviet Russia Communists are Aaron Halfaker, which is really creepy.

Aaron is a member of the GroupLens lab and is currently on figuring out editors' motivations to throw away other's work.

You can find Aaron's official "website" here.


"Too long; didn't read."

Job description[edit]

Aaron is responsible for:

  • Trading stocks while horny.


Aaron has been criticized for taking unbearably boring notes during CSGSA meetings that talk about what was discussed as opposed to the funny things people said. He is working on that, though.


Aaron is a ninja who studied in the mountains of Dultuh under his own direction. He attained ninja-hood in early 2003 while snowboarding. He attacked a 50 foot gap without even looking at it first and flashed some brutal double rock fists whilst flying 60 feet in the air.

Soon after attaining his superhuman ninja status, Aaron became a grad student. This resulted in fatness and laziness.

One day of the year, Aaron becomes a ninja again.


  • November 18, 2008: Aaron can speak like the devil. He wants you to feed him babies.
  • November 30, 2007: Aaron has an intense craving for four (4) pieces of cheese and some banana pepper juice.


  • Aaron likes polar bears, teaching, chinese food, scooters, philosophy, sliding down wet grassy hills (like a ninja), old video games, sandwiches, ninjas, wheelchair basketball, polar bears, micro-breweries, silly hats, space ships, snowboarding, sledding, running, mountain biking, dressing up like a ninja, webcomics, wikis, the gentle way that sunlight pours though venetian blinds on a lazy evening, and "mature" women, ifyouknowwhatImean (you know you do).
  • Random toys and Fresca cans appear in Aaron's cube.
  • Aaron drives scooters and is something of a small engine mechanic
  • Aaron minored in philosophy at his undergrad.
  • Aaron is ninja. You can't see him.
  • Aaron has a fleet of paper airplanes bearing his likeness.
  • Aaron is the master of clock-setting for GroupLens.
  • Aaron once won a whole dollar (!!!) from Reid Priedhorsky in a bet over a quadruple-decker sandwich
  • Aaron apparently has far too little money and must make extra change by gambling with his stomach.

Preceded by
Katie Pants
Secretary of the CSGSA
Succeeded by
Michael Ekstrand

Preceded by
Carol Drysdale
President of the CSGSA
Succeeded by